just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
