If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
