If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
