Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
