I heard we made out
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
