He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
