it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
