After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
