mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
