I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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