Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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