Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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