he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
