I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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