My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
