My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
