I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
