After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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