He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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