please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
