Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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