I can't watch pbs sober anymore
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
