so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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