I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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