I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
