I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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