he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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