Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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