I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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