Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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