# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
