3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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