you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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