I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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