Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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