I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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