I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
