Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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