pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
