kristin has been a bad kristin
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
