I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
