I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
