Quick, to the slutcave!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
