We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
