Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
