the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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