He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
