god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
