What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
