question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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